Tales Of A Serial Singleton: First Date Fear
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"As Paolo Coelho says in The Alchemist: “there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”"
In my opinion, the action of finding your perfect woman these days is much like waiting for your dream job to open up. You know what you want, but finding it can be frightening. There will be plenty of others who probably want the same thing. And on top of it all, you tend to question if you're even qualified enough to be in with chance. Still, it's worth a shot, right?
After years of living in the big city, I've now been lucky enough to find that very job. But, alas, not the girl. And I think I've been able to pinpoint one big reason why. Unlike the confident applicant I'm now able to portray in job interviews, first dates still frighten the life out of me.
Strangely, no matter how many dates I've undertaken, the pattern remains grimly consistent. I'm always at the meeting point at least 15 minutes early with sweaty palms. I'll feverishly hunt down a reflective window to check that I've not made any woeful hair catastrophe and my shirt isn't zipped into my fly. All this whilst running potential conversation topics through my mind and, in some instances whispering my introduction to myself. Ice cool, right?
Unlike an interview though, I'm looking to get laid, not paid. Apologies, that's probably crass. And it's not a one night thing I'm after, not any more. I'm now searching for the long-term, of course. But when it comes to the first date fear, it's the anxiety of not having a second that scares me most. I simply don't want to be put in this situation again.
In the search for love, it's hard not to put too incredible emphasis on a first date. When you meet someone, you give it your all, just like a new job prospect. You do your best to prove your worth in order to show that you are the best potential in a long line of suitors. So much so that often, it can be disheartening when you figure out you've not been successful in making it to the next stage. It's impossible not to take it personally.
I'm certain this is the case for men and women alike. Whilst some people (or "liars", as I like to call them) may claim to be laid back and nonchalant about the whole situation, the reality is we all just want to be needed or loved. It's human nature. And so the best we can do is try and have fun with it.
Dating ain't easy and whilst the fear may continue to haunt your every stuttered anecdote, botched gag and terribly delivered compliment, remain hopeful that eventually there'll be one girl who'll want to meet us for a second, third, fourth and even more dates. If you never try, you'll never know.
What I'm trying to say is, don't let the fear tear you apart when it comes to meeting someone you may like. It's refreshing, that fear. Like seasoned rock stars who still report crippling stage fright seconds before performing to 50,000 people, learn to channel that fear positively. It means you want something. As Paolo Coelho says in The Alchemist: “there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”