Not All Men Want To Play Christian Grey
"History would have us believe men always have a high sex drive and it’s us women who are feigning headaches to avoid late night nookie. It’s just not true."
Did you hear the one about a woman divorcing her husband on the grounds of ‘he wasn’t crazy enough in bed?’
"A high-powered City businesswoman is divorcing her husband after he refused to play along with the erotic themes in the raunchy blockbuster, Fifty Shades Of Grey," a news story blurted out on the Daily Mail’s (where else?) website.
Like a great many women, including myself, she surrendered to the Fifty Shades of Grey craze. In case you haven’t heard of it (seriously, where’ve you been all year?), the bestselling novel is about a sadomasochistic affair between a billionaire sex god, Christian Grey, and a virgin, Anastasia Steele.
Whereas I simply wanted to read what all the fuss was about (and, OK, yes find out exactly what was hiding in Christian Grey’s dungeon), High Powered Businesswoman bought it with the intention of finding inspiration from which to spice up her and her husband’s dwindling sex life. When he failed to play along with the S&M and bondage themes, she sought divorce, arguing that his lack of enthusiasm and ‘boring attitude to sex’ constituted unreasonable behaviour.
The ‘Fifty Shades Phenomenon’ has caused a mixed reaction from men. On one hand, their girlfriends are opening up to the idea of X-rated sexual antics and freely discussing their erotically-charged desire. Wahey! On the other hand, many women’s sexual expectations have geared up to the point where men aren’t quite up to scratch anymore.
I’d argue that it’s not FiftyShades'fault, really. The fact is, history and stereotypes would have us believe men always have the high sex drive; that they’re constantly ‘up for it’ and it’s us women who are feigning headaches and fatigue to avoid late night nookie. It’s just not true. Fifty Shades hasn’t spawned this fact, it’s simply raised awareness of it.
In the past couple of years, two close friends of mine have cited their boyfriends' lack of sex drives as main causes for the eventual demise of the relationship. Take Katie and Tommy, for example. His demanding City-job meant waking up at 6am and not leaving the office until at least 10pm. Sex just wasn’t a priority during the week. Katie felt it was always up to her to initiate sex, which made her feel neglected and inadequate. Talking didn’t help – what man wants to discuss the fact his girlfriend is more interested in sex than he is?
Whilst the case of seeking divorce because of his refusal to tie her up might seem harsh at first, reading through the article I found myself sympathetic toward High Powered Businesswoman. Her marriage had entered a sex-rut, but did she run to adultery? No, she invested in sexy underwear, suggested playful bedroom games and tried to reignite the passion. From the sounds of it, hubby didn’t bat an eyelid.
If my mate confided that she wasn’t interested in sleeping with her boyfriend, despite his advances, I’d gently point out that, sooner or later, he might go looking for it elsewhere. And, men, if she’s suddenly sporting some sexy new lingerie, it’s time to crank it up a notch. Skip to page 180 of Fifty Shades of Grey if you need inspiration.