Doc Love: What You Did Wrong On Your Date
This week, Doc Love, author of "The System," coaches a reader on mixed signals."I was shocked because I thought I read everything right."
First, I would like to say that I love reading your columns and they have helped me in more than one situation in my life. But I’m in need of some coaching.
I recently came out of a three-year relationship. The breakup was tough, but I moved on, and now I’ve decided to get back into the game. Last week I got my first date. Kirsten is a colleague of mine, and I have been attracted to her for a while now. We’re both 26. For the last year we have seen a lot of each other and gotten along well, but I never made a move because I was in a relationship.
Finally, I asked Kirsten out on a date and she said yes. I picked her up and she looked smoking hot! We went to a fine restaurant, the evening went well, we laughed, had great conversation, asked questions about each other, etc. Afterward, we went to another place for drinks. I got signals like good body language, looking into my eyes, playing with her hair, etc. Of course I picked up the tab both times. I dropped Kirsten off at home, said goodbye (I didn’t kiss her because it didn’t feel right yet) and she said she had a good time and that we had to go to the movies together soon.
Doc, I thought it was a done deal! I waited a few days, called her up for a second date and she said yes. The second date was basically a replay of the first. So when I took her home I smiled and went in for the kiss. But she pulled away and totally rejected me. Then she told me that I was just a good friend and she didn’t want to ruin that. I was shocked because I thought I read everything right.
The only thing I can think about what happened was that I went in for the kiss too soon. And on the first date I only gave her one or two compliments and spoke a lot (though mostly about her). And on the second date there wasn’t as much flirting and some of the conversation got heavier. For example we have different views about religion (she brought this up), but I changed the topic ASAP.
I am confused by the fact that I got such strong signals from Kirsten and the dates went well 90% of the time (or so I thought). Doc, what went wrong? What should I do now? Since Kirsten said she wants to be friends, should I let her go and move on to the next girl? I don’t think chasing is the right thing, even though I like her a lot. And what about the fact that we’re colleagues? We don’t work in the same department, but I will see her nearly every day.
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