Doc Love On Workplace Crushes

Dating At Work

Transmission Films

"Out of the blue, she called me into her office, saying that she needed my help with something. Her request seemed unnecessary."

This week, Doc Love, author of "The System," coaches a reader on office romance.

Hey Doc,

I bought the “The System” a few years ago and have been using your concepts with a decent amount of success with women. However, I would like to get your take on my current situation.

I have worked with Sofia for the last few years. I wanted to date her but couldn’t due to a company policy against interoffice dating. I know that Sofia had interest in me too, not just from her flirting and stopping by my office to visit fairly regularly, but because she told a couple of other employees that she was interested in me. Both of us dated other people until I recently ended my latest relationship a couple weeks ago. But Sofia is still dating the same guy she’s been dating for a while. She told a buddy of mine at work that she is not that serious with him and that they are dating just casually. I can tell that this guy is trying too hard because he sent flowers and gifts to Sofia at work.

Anyway, I just left the company for a new job. I could still feel a relatively high Interest Level from Sofia as recently as two weeks before I left, but she seemed especially distant the very last week that I was there, so I held off on asking her out on a date. We still talked to each other, but she did not make as much of an effort to visit my office and chat like she normally did. A couple of days before my last day, she told me that “men only go after something when they know they can’t have it.” Also, on my last day of work, she had her boyfriend come by the office to pick her up for lunch. Out of the blue, she called me into her office, saying that she needed my help with something. Her request seemed unnecessary, and when I went to her office the boyfriend was there waiting for me to finish helping Sofia before they went out to lunch. It seemed that she just wanted me to see this guy there with her.

I have to add that before picking up with her current guy, Sofia recently broke up with another boyfriend who stalked her and it resulted in a restraining order. This might explain why she was acting coolly to me. Or is it possible Sofia was just acting this way during my last week to ensure my Interest Level in her remained high, so that I might still pursue her after I left the company? In other words, was she just playing hard to get? I am thinking that maybe I should wait a few weeks for things in her life to cool down and then ask her out, assuming she is not that serious with her current boyfriend. Do you agree?

Antonio - who needs a strategy

Hi Antonio,

Why in the world are you talking to other employees about a woman you potentially want to date? It’s one thing for you to get information about Sofia from these people, but you’re not supposed to give them anything in return -- it will inevitably be misconstrued and result in problems for you. To all you psych majors, talking to people at work about your love life is very dangerous.

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