Why Do Women Cheat?
Universal Pictures
“I wanted to prove that I was desirable. I wanted to show my boyfriend that he was lucky to have me, that I could hurt him, that I was someone’s first choice, that I, too, was a catch and not just a burden.“
Cheating on two unique partners in two totally different but equally destructive relationships certainly doesn’t qualify me as an expert in cheating, but it does give me a bit of insight into the complex psyche of a person who commits infidelity. Though both times I strayed I did so for a variety of different reasons, both scenarios had a common denominator: I did not feel secure or respected in my relationship, but I couldn’t see a clearly marked emergency exit. So I cheated. I sabotaged my relationship to catalyze an ending I couldn’t see happening naturally.
The first time I cheated, it was on an older boyfriend who fooled around on me repeatedly, and who was not even courteous enough to kick dirt up over his tracks. I found out about his transgressions after he bragged about his conquests to some of his guy friends. Though he vehemently denied it, there was plenty of irrefutable evidence to confirm his indiscretions. I never fully trusted him to begin with, but I was young, and he was older and “cooler” and more athletic than me, so I ignored my gut instinct and let the self-doubt and unhappiness permeate my better judgment and self-esteem.
When he finally went out of town one weekend, I’d had enough of this relentless humiliation. I hooked up with an acquaintance of ours who made no secret about his interest in me. This was no accident. My actions were carefully calculated. I chose my target deliberately. I wanted to assert power and sex appeal. I wanted to prove that I was desirable. I wanted to show my boyfriend that he was lucky to have me, that I could hurt him, that I was someone’s first choice, that I, too, was a catch and not just a burden. In retrospect, though, revenge is childish and accomplishes very little, and I should have handled things differently.
The second time I cheated, it was on an emotionally unavailable boyfriend. Though I suspected his infidelity (late text messages, unexplained disappearances), he always figured out a way to make me feel like I was a paranoid schizophrenic concocting elaborate stories in my mind. Turns out he was actually using drugs (but probably also cheating). Before that relationship finally came to a volatile end, I cheated on him with a perfectly nice guy who I didn’t particularly like very much. Despite my lukewarm feelings for this guy, I went through with it just to get the upper hand, to get the validation and confidence I needed to enable me to finally walk away from a relationship that was slowly crushing me.
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