The 7 Things She Misses Most About The Younger You
Apatow Productions
“She remembers the same events as you do, but she probably remembers them a little differently. The main difference is probably you.“
Men in long-term relationships and marriages, this one’s for you. Take a moment to look back at those long-ago days when you first got together with your wife or girlfriend. You were both younger, maybe you weighed less, maybe you had more hair. “She was hot back then!” you think to yourself, with satisfaction. “She’s still hot,” you remind yourself, acknowledging that she might not necessarily be hot in the same way, but still. What was it like back then? “We went out more,” you recall. “We used to go out big! Remember that one birthday of mine? Holy sh*t, that was crazy. We ended up walking all the way home at dawn ’cause we couldn’t find a cab. And she was barefoot because she got tired of walking in heels. SO MANY Jägerbombs that night, good God.”
Ah, memories.
She has memories, too. Ever wonder what they’re like? She remembers the same events as you do, but she probably remembers them a little differently. The main difference is probably you. You’ve changed, pal! You both have, sure. But there are things about the old you that she misses, and she’s probably too considerate to tell you about them. She might not even think about them very often. But as we all know, the best husbands and boyfriends are mind-readers, so here’s your cheat sheet.
You Wanted To Spend Time With Her Before Anyone Else
In the early days of your relationship, time with your lady was your top priority, because things were fresh and exciting and you were very likely to get a blowjob at reasonably regular intervals. In terms of competing with your friends, she won, every time. Years later, that is no longer true. It makes sense; you live together. You brush your teeth beside her every morning in the bathroom mirror. But there are times when she misses the feeling of being the person at the pinnacle of your social pyramid. For proof, just once make a show of blowing off an opportunity to hang out with your buddies and ask her if she’d like to do something one-on-one. She will love it. You will have conjured the old you from the mists of time, and she will think you’re a magician.
You Lectured Less
What, me lecture? Why The Kia Sportage Was A Wise And Cunning Purchase. Why Everyone Was Mad At Lance Armstrong For The Wrong Reasons. Why Vinyl Siding Is A Horrible Building Material For Your Geographic Region. Why Being An Roosters Fan Is Fundamentally Different Than Being A Tigers Fan, Parts 1 Through 4. “That’s called talking!” you protest. Yes, it’s you talking, and she’s listening. Or is she? Does it matter? Haha, that’s a joke — or course it matters! The difference between lecturing and conversing is that in a conversation, each person’s point of view is sought and a friendly debate ensues. After a bunch of years together, you probably think you already know her opinion on most things. And maybe you do! But sometimes a mysterious thing happens over the course of a conversation, an alchemical reaction wherein someone’s thoughts evolve and they say something unexpected — it may surprise even them. As long as you’re the only one talking, that’s never going to happen. Ask her what she thinks next time! Again, the old you, all hot and young, will appear before her eyes. She’ll probably get flustered.
You Made Fewer Nighttime Noises
This one’s pretty straightforward, and, unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it — at least not that I know of. This is one of those times when she’s just going to have to suck it up, and she knows this, but it won’t make her stop daydreaming about the days before she knew about the other definition of “Dutch oven.” Next Page >>