Does Her Self-Love Mean You’ve Failed?
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“Our society hasn’t prepared us as adults to talk with kids about sex.“
Sex Education
Hi Doc,
My wife and I are having some real trouble with our 4-year-old. She’s asking a lot of questions about sex and bodies. We think it’s because she’s started preschool and it’s because of the influence of the other kids. We’ve even considered taking her out of the school. One friend recommended we talk to her about this, but neither of us know how to or where to start. Can you recommend some help and guidance for us to have a talk with her?
What a great question about a topic that I’m passionate about: sex education. To be blunt, we have below-average sex education here in the U.S, and that’s putting it mildly. The estimates are that about one-third of teens have no sex education and about one-third get abstinence-only sex education, which is often filled with misinformation, fear-based teachings and places moral agendas above factual information. For children, especially at age 4, it’s pretty rare to find any type of sexual education. Our society hasn’t prepared us as adults to talk with kids about sex, and our parents were equally unprepared.
In the past, I would recommend books or videos to help parents educate young children, as well as great websites like Scarleteen.com and GoAskAlice.com. But I was recently introduced to a new product that I hope will take the parenting world by storm. Its called Birdees.
What’s Birdees, you ask? It’s the first interactive app I’m aware of that teaches sex education to kids as young as toddlers on up to the teenage years. It’s fun, colourful, educational and offers an opportunity to bring parents and children closer together. The Birdees app guides adults with questions and answers for children on important life, relationship and sexual topics such as anatomy, boundaries, behaviours and sexual information. The information is offered in an age-appropriate manner, and each App targets specific age groups, such as the 2-5 and 6-8 ranges. I encourage you to pay the $4.99, try out the age 2-5 app, and see if this may help you address the important questions your daughter is asking. I tried out the demo version and loved it.
Caught In The Act
Dear Doc,
I heard my wife masturbating in the bathroom in the shower. She thought I was asleep, but I heard her moaning and breathing heavy. It really made me sad. I feel like a failure as a lover and as a man.
I’m sorry to read you’re sad and feeling like you’ve done something wrong. The reality is that most married women masturbate and most married men do as well. Most women and men in relationships masturbate. Most single people masturbate. Most people, period. It’s pretty standard that wives will masturbate just like husbands. I wouldn’t feel bad about it or personalise it. If your relationship has hit the skids and your sex life has been affected, it’s understandable that you might internalise your partner experiencing pleasure without you as ego-shattering and hurtful. Instead of feeling bad about this, why not use this as an opportunity to open up a dialogue with your wife about masturbation. I don’t mean to corner her and make accusations but to inquire about your sexual relationship and how you’re both doing sexually. Most couples don’t check in enough with each other about sexual or relationship satisfaction. Who knows, a conversation like this can open the door to reinvigorating your sex life or help make you feel better as both a lover and a man.