Doc Love: She’s Got Baggage
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“Leslie shows all the signs of someone with low self-esteem.“
This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,”coaches a reader about a girl with plenty of problems of her own.
Hey Doc,
I’ve been studying “The System” for a year now and have read the book four times thus far. I’m in a bit of a situation that I can’t quite find a solution for.
Leslie and I have been dating for a year and a half. She has self-esteem issues, as she doesn’t seem to believe any compliment I give her and always complains about her body image. To top it all off, she is bombarded with so much family drama that every time we hang out I find myself feeling uncomfortable just because I know I can’t really keep things light and funny. Other than this, she is a beautiful, down-to-earth girl. And she’s a giver, maybe too much. She thinks about everyone before herself. She is also above average on the flexibility scale.
Now here’s where I get confused. Leslie shows all the signs of someone with low self-esteem. According to your book, these women do not usually respond well to challenge. This is not always the case with Leslie, though. Whenever I’m a challenge with her, her attention to me is incoming, but she opens up a lot less about her family dramas. This gives me the illusion that things are better in her life, and that being a challenge is actually doing its job. But recently she messaged another guy and told him that he makes her feel like talking about all her issues and opened up to him about the heavy stuff she used to open up to me about.
After seeing those messages, I started to feel really uncomfortable. Out of fear, I loosened up on being a Challenge. Leslie opened up to me again, but I found that this led to us getting more and more familiar with each other, which according to your book breeds low Interest Level. I noticed that she was taking more and more things for granted.
I told Leslie I was confused and needed space. She got defensive and demanded an explanation. I told her that we’ve become too comfortable with each other. She responded with more questions, and I ended up being a wimp. I said she doesn’t respond to me the same way she did in the past. She said she was tired of having the same discussion. Then she said that she herself wants time to think about our relationship. See what she did there, Doc? She turned the tables so now it’s as if she’s the one who wants the breakup.
I’m freaking out because I don’t want to lose Leslie. I can hear you saying “Why are you freaking out after not talking to her for two whole days? WIMP!” Well, it’s because I’m a nice guy at heart, and now that the tables are turned, it feels like I’m the rejected one even though I brought up the idea of a break in the first place. I don’t know what to do from here.
If Leslie calls me, should I lay off the Challenge card and answer her right away? Is she just one of those girls that “The System” tries to weed out? If not, then maybe this whole situation is nothing but a realisation on her part of low Interest Level. On another note, I am the only guy since her high school days to land a long-term relationship with her. Then again, she’s dated lots of people, so maybe she’s just a professional dater.
One final thing. Leslie came across your book one day while snooping around my computer. She read some of it and said, “It would never work on me.”
Sidney – who needs a new strategy
Hi Sidney,
Of course you can’t keep things light and funny with Leslie because of her various emotional and psychological issues. This comes under the heading of scars and baggage, which is covered in my book, but you didn’t read it thoroughly enough. The problem is that you can’t change scars and baggage, and Leslie’s relationship with her family is going to affect you. It’s obvious that Leslie has high Interest Level in you and that she’s a flexible giver, but her scars and baggage are going to be your burden for the rest of your life if you stay with her. Next Page >>