Getting To Know Her

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“I was basically dating girls who were sexy loon-bats, hoping one would surprise me and actually have a little more substance than I initially suspected.“

This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” discusses how long it takes to really get to know someone.

Hey Doc,

I used to play drums in a semi-successful band and it gave me the ability to find new women, albeit not always the most stable ones. I was basically dating girls who were sexy loon-bats, hoping one would surprise me and actually have a little more substance than I initially suspected. But I was never really purposefully seeking “marriage calibre” women, so unsurprisingly, I didn’t find any.

Now I’m about to turn 30, I’m in uni again and working hard to start my dream business, haven’t been in a band for several years, and hardly go out and party at all. I’ve begun seeing Erica: a shy, friendly, caring girl who works with children in her job. I knew from the moment she opened her mouth that she was the kind of girl I’ve always secretly wanted to marry and resolved that I had to have her absolutely no matter what. But, rather than dive headlong into the shallow end, I decided to go in slowly and maintain Challenge. I asked her to lunch, we talked for an hour, I didn’t kiss her (but did pay), and it was a big success.

Now, the problems. Erica has been dating for a while, but with very limited success. I haven’t asked her much about her dating past, but she still lives with her parents. She seems completely normal and well-adjusted, so I’m chalking this one up as a non-red flag. Am I right?

Secondly, Erica is not a traditional beauty. I think most guys are turned off by her facial features, but I find them adorable for some reason. (So really, I’m not facing a lot of competition. I’m no Superman, but I’m confident I’m a cut or two above the guys she’s been seeing.)

So far, we’ve been out on three dates. The lunch date, dinner and a movie, and a double date with her best friend who she considers a sister. She had to cancel our next date because of a birthday party for a young family member she had forgotten about.

I feel like Erica’s Interest Level is pretty high, as several times during our dates she reached for my hand, touched me playfully, and we kissed. She also futured me, saying we could go to a bar for our next date since I had mentioned wanting to. I estimate she’s in the 70s or 80s right now as far as Interest Level is concerned. I think I’m doing a decent job with this girl, but decent isn’t good enough. I need to knock it out of the park, and for that, I’m calling on your valuable insight. What can I do to drive Erica crazy?

Wit — who is finally warming up to settling down

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Wit, I can tell right off the bat that you have some brains. When you’re in a band you’re going to meet lots of women, but even though they’re attractive, you realised what’s going on between their ears. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “And it ain’t all that much.” Next Page >>